The Tales Of Greg
by derekthabes
Summary: Greg Is At Home And He Gets Pissed And Snorts Cocaine And Shoots Rodrick And Greg RUNS To The School And Shoots A Couple People And Rapes Holly And Then Runs To The Studio And Shoots Joshie And Steals His Shit, Then Goes Into A Plane And Escapes To Canada. The Family Has A Hard Time With Rodrick
1. Chapter 1

The Tales Of Greg

Greg: SHUT THE FUCK UP ROWLEY

Rowley: IDGAF

Greg: STOP SPAMMING BITCH

Rowley: SHUT UP

Greg's Mom: Stop Cussing

-Greg Throws Mom's Cocaine-

Greg: FUCK YOU, MOM

Rowley: Let Me Fucking Kill You IN Smash Bros, I'll Keep spamming Y And X

Gregory: Bish shut the fuck up

-Greg Snorts Bath Salts-

-Greg Shoots Console-

Rowley: THAT WAS $300 DOLLARS BITCH

-Greg Stabs Rodrick-

Rodrick: What The Fu-

-Greg Stabs Rodrick Again-

Rowley: Didn't Like Him Anyway

MOM: WE SPENT 30 MINUTES HAVING SEX TO MAKE HIM

DAD: I HATE HIS METAL BUT I LOVED HIM

-Greg Watches Porn-

Mom: What The Fu-  
DAD: You Is In Biiiig Trouble

DAD: Rowley Get Out.

Rowley: Finally I'm Outta Here

Greg: I Like This Shiiit

Mom And Dad: Fuck You SON of A Gun

-Greg Takes Out Gun And Run To School-

Bryce: WHAT THE FUCK GRE-

-Greg Shoots Bryce While On Cocaine-

Holly: Please I'll Date You

Greg: I ain't shooting you bish

Greg: I Got Something Else Bitch

-Greg Pulls Skirt Up-

Holly: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-Greg Takes Out His Dick-

Greg: Oh yeah

-Puts It In Holly-

Holly: AAAAAA

-Rapes Holly-

Chirag: I Thought W-

-Shoots Chirag-

Greg: Shut The Fuck Up

Patty: KILLER GREG, KILLER GRE-

-Shoots Patty-

"Killer" Greg: I'm Now Killer Greg

Cop 1(Jeremy): We Are Looking For Ki-

-shoots Jeremy-

Cop 2 (Poopity): We Got Problems (Negon) Cop 4  
Negon: Whats Going On  
Poopity: Some Nigga Shot Jeremy

Negon: Whats His Name

Cop 3 (Milo): I Think Killer Greg

Negon: I Think He's High On Cocaine

Milo: Are You Sure Bruh

Poopity: Hell Yea He's High On Cocaine!

-"Killer" Greg Runs To Studio-

"Killer" Greg- SHUT THE FUCK UP JOSHIE

Joshie: Oh Fu-

-"Killer" Greg Shoots Joshie And Takes All His Money-

-Greg Steals plane-

"Killer" Greg: FUCK YOU COPS IM GOING TO CANADA, IM RICH AS FUCK AND YOU CAN'T GET ME BITCHES

**Meanwhile At** **House**

Mom: Greg's Going To Canada Again

Dad: He Made It There!

Mom: We Need To Fly The Plane

Dad: We Need To Take Rodrick To The Hospital

**To Be Continued**


	2. Chapter 2

**At Home 7:13 At The Heffley House.**

Mom: Oh Lord He Does Not Look Ok

Dad: I Knew I Should've thrown away the bath salts and cocaine

Manny: Big Bubby

-Manny's Eyes Full Of Tears-

Mom: I Guess We Have To Get Him In The Car

Dad: I'll Handle The Medical Bills

Dad: Oh Shit, Oh Shit

**In The Car 8:35**

Mom: We Need To Get Here FAST AS FUCK!

-Manny Crying-

Mom: Oh Shit

Rodrick: I Am Still Alive, I Feel Like I Am About To Die!

-Rodrick Throws Up Blood-

Mom: Greg Stabbed You I Can't Believe

**AT THE HOSPITAL 9:00**

Doctor P.: What Do You Need

Mom: Our Son Got Stabbed By His Sibling

Mom: His FUCKING Sibling "Killer' Greg Stabbed Him

Doctor P. "Killer" Greg Huh.

-Doctor P. Calls Surgeon Lisa-

Surgeon Lisa: What Is It?

Doctor P.: "Killer" Greg Apparently Stabbed Him, He's His Sibling

Surgeon Lisa: Fucking "Killer" Greg.

Surgeon Lisa: Go Home And We Will Tell Him How He Is Doing

Mom: Oh Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!

**10:30 at home horrible mood.**

Mom: Ughhhh I Can't Fucking Believe That "Killer" Greg Stabbed His Own Sibling

-Phone Rings-

Mom: Lemme Answer That.

Unknown Person On Phone: We Are Sorry To Inform You But Rodrick Has A 75% Chance Of Dying

Mom: How?

Unknown Person On Phone: Yeah We Are Sorry But He Might Die At Midnight

Mom: Oh No

**Midnight**

Mom: Hopefully You Live, Rodrick

-Phone Rings-

Unknown Person On Phone: Rodrick Has Not Died Yet

Mom: PHEW!

Unknown Person On Phone: But Due To Slow Heartbeating

Unknown Person On Phone: We Think There Is A 90% Chance He Will Die Tomorrow At 7:35

**Friday 7:35**

-Phone Rings-

Surgeon Lisa: Rodrick Has Died

**To Be Continued**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ontario, Canada 7:40 Monday**

"Killer" Greg: Man I Love This Place

"Killer" Greg: You Know What  
"Killer" Greg: I'm Gon Rob That Dumbass Nigga At 19 Malley Street

**Golden Mile, Toronto, Ontario, Canada 8:36**

"Malley Street Dumbass Nigga": What Do You Want Nigga?

"Killer" Greg: EVERYTHING

-Greg Pulls Out Gun-

"Malley Street Dumbass Nigga": Fuck Not This Again!

"Killer" Greg: GIMME IT NOW OR I'LL DO IT THE HARD WAY BITCH

"Killer" Greg: GIMME **EVERYTHING** BITCH NIGGA!

-Greg Counts While "Malley Street Dumbass Nigga" Goes Fast-

"Malley Street Dumbass Nigga": IM TRYING BITCH STOP!

"Killer" Greg: **HURRY THE ****_FUCK _****UP ****_BITCH_**

-"Malley Street Dumbass Nigga" Drops And Gives Everything-

-"Killer" Greg Runs Fast As Hell To The Next Store-

Canada Cop 1: We Need To Contact The Cops In Golden Mile

-CC1 Gets Shot-

Canada Cop 2: _**HOLY FUC-**_

-CC2 Gets Shot And The Other Cops Get Triggered-

-Greg Runs To Random Car-

Unknown Driver: What Do You Wa-

Greg: **GIMME THE ****_FUCKING _****CAR ****_BITCH!_**

Unknown Driver: NO I HAVE A _FUCKING _**FAMILY** TO TAKE CA-

"Killer" Greg: **DIE MOTHER****_FUCKER!_**

-Greg Shoots Unknown Driver-

-Greg Takes Car-

"Killer" Greg: I'm Going To Kill Mia For Her Husband Hatin Being A _BITCH NIGGA _Who Keeps Talkin Shit On 7 St Dennis Dr

NORTH YORK, Toronto, Ontario, Canada 10:50

At Mia's Science Lab

Mia: Who The Fu-

"Killer" Greg: Surprise _MOTHERFUCKING NERD_ That's Your New Name Before You Die

Mia: What The Fuck Are You Doing Here!

"Killer" Greg: FUCK YOU

"MOTHERFUCKING NERD" Mia: I KNOW THE DEPTHS OF SCIENCE BITCH.

-"Killer" Greg Kills Mia-

"Killer" Greg: YEAH!

"Killer" Greg: I'm Hungry

"Killer" Greg: Lemme Rob Burger King For Food

**East York, Toronto, Ontario, Canada 11:30**

Burger King Worker: May I Take Your Order, Sir?

"Killer" Greg: yes...

"Killer" Greg: **GIMME EVERYTHING YOU FUCKING GOT**

Burger King Worker: WOAH WOAH WOAH

"Killer" Greg: I WANT 20 LARGE FRIES AND A CHEESEBURGER!

NOW!

Burger King Worker: HERE YOU GO

CC3: **WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON**

**SWAT 1: FUCK YOU "KILLER" GREG**

**SWAT 3: YOU CAN SUCK OUR FUCKING BALLS BITCH**

**SWAT 2: YEAH SUCK OUR BALLS**

**SWAT 5: FUCK IS YOU GOING TO DO HOE**

**To Be Continued**


	4. Chapter 4 (With Mario's Bad Day Bonus)

**SWAT 4: "KILLER" GREG WE AINT JUST GOING TO ARREST, WE GON SHOOT**

"Killer" Greg: **I DONT GIVE A ****_FUCK_**** IF YOU GOING TO SHOOT BITCH, SUCK MY ****_FUCKING _****BALLS BITCH!**

-"Killer" Greg's Gang Team Call Sound-

KGGT DrugLord: Bitch You Dealing With KGGT _Nigga_.

**SWAT 5: HOE ****_NIGGA _****THATS ****_FUCKING _****IT?**

**SWAT 2: YOU WEAK AF!**

KGGT KillaBoi: You Know Me...Right...

**"Killer" Greg: THAT'S RIGHT BITCH! WE GOT KILLABOI, HE JOINED THE GANG 2 MONTHS AGO BITCH! HE IS NOW KGGT KILLABOI!**

**SWAT 3:** ok seriously **shut YO BITCH ASS UP NIGGA**

**SWAT 4: YOU CANT EVEN SAY NI-**

**-**SWAT 4 SHIELDS A SHOT-

**SWAT 4: YOU DONE FUCKED UP MY NIGGA!**

**-_INSERT POORLY MADE WAR MUSIC HERE-_**

**"KILLER" GREG: FUCK EM' UP**

KGGT KillaBoi: Alright

Topaco: Woah Chill The Fuck Out Mayne.

OG Paco: Yeah Let's Go

OG Paco: I Think They Have A Funeral Down The Road

-Topaco's Voice Fades Away While Zooming In On The Funeral-

-Everybody's Crying-

Mom: Hey Frank, Do You Hear Shooting And Yells

-Insert **EXTREMELY POORLY SAD AND WAR MUSIC CROSSOVER (NOT CLICKBAIT LOL)-**

**Dad: H**oly Shit I Do

Mom: **O**MG I Think It's Greg

Dad: **E**h, IDK How You Know

Mom: You Don't Remember

FUCK YOU COPS IM GOING TO CANADA, IM RICH AS FUCK AND YOU CAN'T GET ME BITCHES

Dad:** OH SHIT! I REMEMBER NOW!**

**Mom: It's Time To End This Shit**

**Dad: we might have to kill our son**

**Mom:MAYBE WE KILL HIM, SO WE HAVE MANNY**

**DAD: MANNY DONT YOU FUCKING ACT UP K  
Manny's Mind  
-**

**I'VE BEEN WAITING ON THIS FUCKING MOMENT**

**I'M SICK OF GREG TREATING ME LIKE SHIT!**

**HE'S ALWAYS TALKING SHIT AND MURDERING MY FRIENDS**

**HE EVEN MURDERED MY FUCKING TEACHER**

**HE'S RACIST AS SHIT TOO, HE'S ALWAYS SAYING THE N-WORD**

**HOW THE FUCK DID KGGT KILLABOI NOT KILL HIM AND TAKE OVER HIS GANG**

**DAMN IT I'M ALWAYS SWEARING, THIS IS OUR REVENGE!**

**MOM: ALRIGHT GET YO WEAPONS BITCHES!**

**DAD: OK**

**To Be Continued To The Finale**

**-  
Bonus**!  
**Mario's Bad Day** (Not M Rated)

Mario: Hey Peach!

Peach: What

Mario: I Just Got Paid

Peach: Oh We Got Rent To Pay

Mario: How Much Is It

Peach: $300

-Mario's Bank Account Before-

$300.10

-Mario's Bank Account After-

0.10

Mario: Just Why

Peach: Just Why What

Mario: My Bank Account Has 10 Cents

-Peach Stares At Him-

Peach: Well Just Do A Adventure, That Always Gets Ya Coins

Mario: Ok

-2 Hours Later-

Mario: I Got $2000, But I'm In Pain!

Peach: Wait How The Hell Did You Get In Pain, Gathering Money, But Saving Me Your Not Normally In Pain?

Mario: Well There Were These Rob-

Peach: Wait Was There A Blue Man With A Robot Suit

Mario: He's The Reason I'm Ri-

Peach: That's Mega Man

Mario: Oh...Wrong Land

Peach: I'm Gon' Fix Ya Up Bud Ok.

**That's The End Of The Bonus Story **

**The Finale Comes Whenever I Want It To Come**

**Enjoy Whatcha Got**

**Also Sneak Peek**

**Mom: FUCK YOU SON**

**Dad: You GON DIE TONIGHT**

**Greg: Fight ME BI-**

**-Greg Dies-**

**If You Were Wondering, Yes, I Might Make A Family Friendly (Or Non-Family Friendly) **

**Mario Fanfiction. Bye**


	5. Finale (Bonus)

**MOM: Get Our Weapons**

**Dad: I GOT OUR WEAPONS**

**Mom: We Are Making Shit Right Again**

Dad: Yeah Lets Go

-BK-

**OG Paco: Yo, Where The Fuck Is This Kid's Parents?**

**Topaco: I Know Right?**

**-INSIDE THE BK-**

**-POORLY MADE WAR MUSIC-**

**KGGT KILLABOI: I'M GON BEAT THIS NIGGA ASS**

**"KILLER" GREG: NIGGA FUCK EM' UP**

**KGGT DRUGLORD: THEY AINT SHIT**

**SWAT 4: WE CAN FUCK YOU UP SOFTLY**

**-OG PACO AND TOPACO ENTERS-**

**TOPACO: **Ok, It's Not Safe In Here

**Og Paco: LET'S GET THE ****_FUCK _****OUT TOPACO**

Og Paco: Sorry For Yelling

-**OG PACO AND TOPACO EXITS-**

**SWAT 4: CALL IN THE BIG BOSS**

**"KILLER" GREG: CALL IN OUR MOBSTERS**

**KGGT MOBSTER 1: OH YALL FUCKIN WITH THE WRONG GANG **

**KGGT MOBSTER 2: CREATIVE YALL FUCK WITH US**

**SWAT BIGBOSS: WHATS UP MUFUCKAS, REMEMBER ME GREG**

**"KILLER" GREG: MALLEY STREET DUMBASS NIGGA? I THOUGHT YOU DIED!**

**SWAT BIGBOSS (MALLEY STREET DUMBASS NIGGA): NO NIGGA, YOU RACIST SHIT!**

**SWAT 2: FUCK EM' UP**

**GRG'S BOSS: AY GRG UP IN THIS MOTHERFUC-**

**GRG DRUGLORD: OH SO THE SWAT TEAM HERE TOO?**

**GRG NOKILLABOI: ISSA TRIPLE WAR IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER**

**GRG MOBSTER 1: GREG'S RIVAL GANG'S HERE NIGGA**

**GRG MOBSTER 2: AND WE GOT _4 _MOBSTER'S INSTEAD OF TWO**

**SWAT 1: GRG MOTHERFUCKER? WE KILLED YO FIFTH MOB-**

**-SWAT 1 SHIELDS A SHOT-**

**SWAT 1: MOTHERFUCKER! FUCK BOTH OF EM UP**

**GRG MOBSTER 3: FUCK GREG UP, AND FUCK THE KGGT NIGGAS AND SWAT UP**

**-MEANWHILE-**

Mom: We Got's To Sneak Into Burger King

Dad: Put Gas Masks On, We Need To Go Through The Vent, And That Stinks Like Hell!

Mom: We Should Fuck For 30 Minutes Though

Dad: Let's Do It Later

Mom: Aight

Dad: Fuck Fucking Now, We Got Someone To Kill

Mom: Let's Go Through The Vent

-Mom And Dad, Manny Crawl Through The Vent-

Mom: This Stinks SO BAD! **GOD! **

Dad: IKNOW RIGHT

-Manny's Mind-

**THIS IS GOING TO BE FUCKING EPIC!**

**AND IM SO DAMN PROUD**

**I WANTED TO FUCK SHIERA AND LOSE MY VIRGINITY AT A YOUNG AGE**

**BUT HE HAD TO KILL SHIERA, SHE EVEN AGREED TO FUCK ME AT A YOUNG AGE**

**IM GON FUCKING SEE MY PARENTS WRECK THAT**

**WHITE RACIST CRUEL BITCH ASS BUBBY NOPE **

**THEY SHOULD'VE ABORTED THAT BITCH**

**Mom: We Are In Motherfucker**

**Dad: We Are In The Employee Room**

**Mom: LETS GET OUTTA HERE**

**KGGT Mobster 1: We In This MotherFUCKER**

**KGGT DrugLord: Yeah We In**

**-KGGT KillaBoi Kills GRG Mobster 1-**

**GRG: YOU MOTHERFUCKER**

**Mom: We Hear Them, We Are Getting Close**

**Dad: Ok We Gon Bust Through This Door In 3,2,1**

**Mom: WASSUP MOTHERFUCKERS**

**Dad: Yeah BITCH WHERE THE FUCK IS GREG**

**"Killer" Greg: I'm Over HERE MOTHERFUCKER**

**MOM: IDGAF**

**DAD: I WILL KILL YOU**

**"Killer" Greg: Try ME BITCH**

**Mom: FUCK YOU SON**

**Dad: You GON DIE TONIGHT**

**Greg: Fight ME BI-**

**-Greg Dies-**

Except That Was Not The Real Greg, The Real Greg Is 14, This Guy Is 11

That Wasn't Rodrick Either, Rodrick Is 16, This Guy Is 12

So Yeah That Happened

-**BONUS-**

**Annoying Bastard (really short)**

**Lol Bitch: Hi**

**LOL BOI: H-**

**LOL BITCH; SJHVRUJHVDSBNGFED HBJKFGBJGFHBVDNFBNDFMNFVFHYD**

**LIL BOI: _WHAT_**

**_LOL BISH:DKJGYUGFUJKHFUYDXHNJFKH3Y634JKG67R_**

**_LOL BOI: LIL DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE'S SAYING?_**

**_LIL BOI: IDK NI-_**

**-LOL BITCH GETS SHOT-**

**LIL BOI: OK**


End file.
